It went so fast.
The day ended more like a flash, a memory that lingers even years after it actually happen.
I felt that i needed to do some more but then again, at the same time...i don't want it anymore.
That was the feeling i felt yesterday...as i walked out of the office for the last time.
I am officially unemployed for 7 days...and self-employed for hopefully, many prosperous years to come.
The mixture of feelings.
There is hope.....fear....anxiety.....and a bit of un-certainty.
There is anxiety of what lies next in my life.....i havent been this far out without an actual parameter that i can easily define or determine.
There is hope that i can actually do better and actually perform to the best of my ability for my own sake.
There is uncertainty of what out there that can be rewarding or totally destroyed the life i have built.
The worst part is the fear.
The fear of failling. Failures is a big word for me...i have been unable to accept failures or disappointment all my life. It is somehow embedded in my mind that failure is un-desirable.
I am unable to accept the slightest disappointment even the smallest that you can think of. Things that i can do but some people are unable or felt that it is to taxing for them, i will not take it easily ler. My kids can testify for that.
It is not i have been so successful in life either that i am thinking or behaving the way that i am. I have failed many times..be it exam, in my work, in my relationships but i hardly take it to heart.
Somehow i had this unshakeable belief that things will sort themselve out...either by time or by other coinciding factors.
Failure is something i need to learn and accept from now on. I need to learn that for my own sake and for my family sake.
I know i am not alone on this either...we are all brought up in a society that shunned failures or disappointment. Take your parents for example, they wanted you to get As in what ever exam you take in your life. Even the slightest mishaps like B+ or A- will be shouted at or herdik.
Words like " Mana mak nak letak muka mak hah?" will be like a rhyme to those familiar with this.
Your football coach will shout and shout for you to continue running....even though you got no legs anymore.
There is no such words such as " You tried your best, son....perhaps we will overcome this weakness today and come out stronger next year."
or even " Learn today kid what failures is all about, but learn also that you don't have to like it either"
Mungkin ada....but not much ler.
Saya faham sebagai parents kita mahukan yg terbaik utk anak2 kita but as adults, do we know better? Is it fair to place our expectations on them?
Ada pro and cons ler....
For know, let me savour what free time i had before i hardly notice what time is it anymore.
The day ended more like a flash, a memory that lingers even years after it actually happen.
I felt that i needed to do some more but then again, at the same time...i don't want it anymore.
That was the feeling i felt yesterday...as i walked out of the office for the last time.
I am officially unemployed for 7 days...and self-employed for hopefully, many prosperous years to come.
The mixture of feelings.
There is hope.....fear....anxiety.....and a bit of un-certainty.
There is anxiety of what lies next in my life.....i havent been this far out without an actual parameter that i can easily define or determine.
There is hope that i can actually do better and actually perform to the best of my ability for my own sake.
There is uncertainty of what out there that can be rewarding or totally destroyed the life i have built.
The worst part is the fear.
The fear of failling. Failures is a big word for me...i have been unable to accept failures or disappointment all my life. It is somehow embedded in my mind that failure is un-desirable.
I am unable to accept the slightest disappointment even the smallest that you can think of. Things that i can do but some people are unable or felt that it is to taxing for them, i will not take it easily ler. My kids can testify for that.
It is not i have been so successful in life either that i am thinking or behaving the way that i am. I have failed many times..be it exam, in my work, in my relationships but i hardly take it to heart.
Somehow i had this unshakeable belief that things will sort themselve out...either by time or by other coinciding factors.
Failure is something i need to learn and accept from now on. I need to learn that for my own sake and for my family sake.
I know i am not alone on this either...we are all brought up in a society that shunned failures or disappointment. Take your parents for example, they wanted you to get As in what ever exam you take in your life. Even the slightest mishaps like B+ or A- will be shouted at or herdik.
Words like " Mana mak nak letak muka mak hah?" will be like a rhyme to those familiar with this.
Your football coach will shout and shout for you to continue running....even though you got no legs anymore.
There is no such words such as " You tried your best, son....perhaps we will overcome this weakness today and come out stronger next year."
or even " Learn today kid what failures is all about, but learn also that you don't have to like it either"
Mungkin ada....but not much ler.
Saya faham sebagai parents kita mahukan yg terbaik utk anak2 kita but as adults, do we know better? Is it fair to place our expectations on them?
Ada pro and cons ler....
For know, let me savour what free time i had before i hardly notice what time is it anymore.
1 comment:
g luck ek.
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