A Phone call..

Lighting your thoughts

I received a call today from a long lost friend.

At least, i still consider him friend when we last met.

His sense of loyalty to one of our previous boss divided us. I mean, aku pun respect org tuh tapi tak perlu aku beriya-iya sangat dengar dan patuh cakap dia. In my life, i have met people who looks like an angel first but later turn to BealZibub (Devil) in a click of of a finger.

Sebab utama jadi begini? Mampu berubah sekejap mata??

1. Duit
2. Duit
3. Duit
4. Perempuan
5. Duit untuk sara perempuan tersebut
6. Duit utk ikat perempuan tersebut
7. Duit untuk sex with the perempuan

( Ini pemikiran lelaki st8...if you're otherwise, i cannot comprehend..heh..heh)

Kenapa duit boleh mengubah personaliti seseorang?

Jika aku tahu, mungkin berpuluh ribu buku sudah mampu aku jual, masakan buku seperti " Anda juga seorang Jutawan" atau " Jutawan dalam diri anda" begitu laris di jual.

Yang aku pelik, jika penulis buku seperti ini mampu jadi jutawan, takkanlah dia nak bagitau rahsia kekayaan dia? Jual buku la pulak, kalau betul nak tolong org, bagi la free aje...ataupun setakat cover cost printing sahaja, nie harga buku pun mencecah RM 60.

Boleh reload Maxis Hotlink dgn lama tuh.

Apa yang aku melalut nie?

Tal ada apa...cuma lama jangka hayat aku, terlalu ramai yang aku jumpa hanyut dgn duit dan berubah menjadi org yang aku tak kenali?

Aku juga mahu duit, aku juga mahu kaya, aku juga mahu rumah besar yang kena dibeli dgn duit, kereta besar yang kena beli dgn duit..pendek kata, semuanya duit!

Mungkin ada yang berkata " Ada yang tak mampu di beli dgn duit, like love"

I would probably say " Bullshit!"...with money, i would get some nice lady to love me in an instance because money path the way to her undergarments. Kalau tak betul2 beli pun, at least ease the way ler....

It could be your room mates, sama2 makan maggie dulu, ikat perut nak bayar duit moto...tapi sejak dia kerja dan berjawatan besar sama ada Bank Negara ker, TNB ker, Telekom Ker, nak makan maflai dgn lu pun dia tak nak, mungkin terpaksa ke Dome di KLCC or Starbucks di Bukit Bintang utk menghirup kopi RM 8 secawan.

Entah..pada aku, duit tak merubah aku sebenarnya...penat mencarinya namun mudah juga dia pergi sekelip mata.

Lebih2 lagi Melayu yang berniaga.

Minta maaf , jika tersinggung tapi ini lumrah.

Terlalu tergelojoh mengaut keuntungan hingga lupa sebenarnya dia mengusir pelanggannya sendiri.

Mula2 nasik lemaknya 50 sen siap dgn telurnya...laris dan keuntungan bertambah, maka dlm kesedapannya nak untung, dgn mudah naikkan RM 1.00 tanpa sebarang penambahan lauk.

Ini biasa dilakukan...bukan setakat nasik lemak, berniaga komputer pun begitu, perabot pun begitu, apa ajelah....bangsa kita gelojoh.

Aku teringat buku yang aku baca mengenai Mr. Kaufmann. He is the founder of Kaufmann Institute di US.

He is so successful as a salesman that his commission is greater than the President of the company salary. The next year, he makes more than the President of the Company again...so the President decided to cut his commission.

Fed up, he started his own company, Marion Lab. He is so successful ...that he bought up 3/4 of Baltimore real estate and one of the richest man in US.

His method of business is simple,...even if he can make 35% margin with the bargaining power he have now...he still stick to the normal 15% margin to everyone.

Why? Because it is better to make 1oo bucks today, tomorrow, the day after and so on then making 1000 bucks but the buck stops there!

Ini mentaliti yang kita , especially Bangsa Melayu tak ada...agama Islam, ada yang niaga berserban lagi tapi sama gak cekik darah...suka untung cepat.

Entah pada aku, people buy not because of the company you are representing but people buy because of you! They are comfortable with you and they proceed...they could have gone and search for better pricing.

That's for me are purely on integrity and character of a person.

Agaknya la kan....

Life after...

Been watching movies lately. I mean a lot...

The list watched this week are:

1) Lemony Snickets "Series of Unfortunate Events"

2) Sembilu 2005

3) GK3

4) Sepet

5) The Forgotten

6) Buai Laju-Laju

7) Potret Mistik

I know some of you might say ...alawei banyaknya masa dia, mind you i am unemployed till 1st May 2005, so i deserve my free time between my videogames, book and family time.

Banyak cerita melayu tapi malangnya banyak juga tak berkualiti. Minta maaf cerita Razak Mohaideen( I don't think he actually deserve the Associate Prof.) semuanya hampas...semuanya artis baru, plot cerita amat lemah, dan rata2nya ending semuanya menghampakan, my brain hardly work because it is pure entertainment.

Yasmin Ahmad "Sepet" was commandable for a first timer, and my brain had to recalibrate a bit. It was honest and brave for a first time director..racial integration is a sensitive issue and yasmin come up best by slithering the issue without scraching any pride. Funny no indian in the movie though?!!

Sembilu 2005 was also an attempt by Datuk Yusof Haslam to tackle interracial love. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about this movie in the same platform like "Sepet". Too many characters were lost in the midst of the tug of war for the love of Salina. It was way too long for a movie about unrequited love, we all know about Sembilu adalah cerita cinta tak kesampaian...dulu Awie frust, sekarang Vince la pulak. Tapi honestly ler Vince need a lot of acting lesson, i mean a lot!!!

Lemony Snickets ...what can i say, plot were okay but may be too taxing for pure fun seekeers. This sub winding plot and the wickedness of Count Olaf is just a few winning points in the movie. Jim Carrey is excellent in the multiple role he undertook...man, this guy is good. Highly recommended.

The Forgotten....was X-Files in a big screen. Cant say much since the producer were the same producer for X-Files session 4-5. It was supposed to be a movie of a grieving mother who lost hr child but later thye plot unravel in such a way that a visit to the toilet is too much to undertake. Okay for light thrill but no way as riveting as an actual X-Files franchises itself.

Yang lain2 cuma passing by aje....wasnt really memorable ler...more like terrible ada ler.

tapi jika lu oranga ada movie yang baik utk saya tengok...bagitau ler.

Jangan la bagi cerita queer lak.Muahahhahahhaha

The way ahead

Time has been very kind to me.

Along the way, i have met some good friends, bad people and a middle category kind of a person, not entirely nice not that evil either.

For all of that, i am blessed for i had enriched my life ....be it as a better person or just a human b eing.

Which brings me to the things i need to do for my class, part of the course requires me to do a lot of self-assessment, i mean a lot.

So off i go to the internet and suprisingly there are tonnes of websites offering this service to evaluating the person you really are.

GO AHEAD!! Try it...go to google and type "Self assessment"

I know some of you are eating this stuff like crazy man...

But to answer this question, you must be honest, which also brings me to another dilemma, how honest can you be in answering these sort of questions?

All of us like to hear what is best about us, not criticisms!? I am not the kind of person who takes criticims openly...i mean kalau you wallop me in front of 12 people, you are bound to get kill in a short time of period by me, muahahhahah...

Seriously, if you criticise me slowly and in close environment, i am ok ....may be it just me.

Okay, so how many of you actually answers these questions honestly? Assuming you are tackling a questionaire about " Are you a good lover?"

Most of us would probably answer it in the most romantic way possible....i admit, i am not a romantic person....a dinner with a candle light is not my idea of romantic.....i am more of an action orientated man.

I dont know la kan...half os us will answer it in order to get the answer we wanted to hear. Were afraid that whatever verdict we get may not be our liking.

Then again, if we cant take other people evaluation of us , who else can you get it from?

There are things that you know about yourself but more apparent to somebody else,(refer to Johari Window).

In that sense, you might not be the best person to evaluate yourselves because the way we perceive ourselves is not the same as others look at us.

Now, that need a lot of pondering eh??

Final Day

It went so fast.

The day ended more like a flash, a memory that lingers even years after it actually happen.

I felt that i needed to do some more but then again, at the same time...i don't want it anymore.

That was the feeling i felt yesterday...as i walked out of the office for the last time.

I am officially unemployed for 7 days...and self-employed for hopefully, many prosperous years to come.

The mixture of feelings.

There is hope.....fear....anxiety.....and a bit of un-certainty.

There is anxiety of what lies next in my life.....i havent been this far out without an actual parameter that i can easily define or determine.

There is hope that i can actually do better and actually perform to the best of my ability for my own sake.

There is uncertainty of what out there that can be rewarding or totally destroyed the life i have built.

The worst part is the fear.

The fear of failling. Failures is a big word for me...i have been unable to accept failures or disappointment all my life. It is somehow embedded in my mind that failure is un-desirable.

I am unable to accept the slightest disappointment even the smallest that you can think of. Things that i can do but some people are unable or felt that it is to taxing for them, i will not take it easily ler. My kids can testify for that.

It is not i have been so successful in life either that i am thinking or behaving the way that i am. I have failed many times..be it exam, in my work, in my relationships but i hardly take it to heart.
Somehow i had this unshakeable belief that things will sort themselve out...either by time or by other coinciding factors.

Failure is something i need to learn and accept from now on. I need to learn that for my own sake and for my family sake.

I know i am not alone on this either...we are all brought up in a society that shunned failures or disappointment. Take your parents for example, they wanted you to get As in what ever exam you take in your life. Even the slightest mishaps like B+ or A- will be shouted at or herdik.

Words like " Mana mak nak letak muka mak hah?" will be like a rhyme to those familiar with this.

Your football coach will shout and shout for you to continue running....even though you got no legs anymore.

There is no such words such as " You tried your best, son....perhaps we will overcome this weakness today and come out stronger next year."

or even " Learn today kid what failures is all about, but learn also that you don't have to like it either"

Mungkin ada....but not much ler.

Saya faham sebagai parents kita mahukan yg terbaik utk anak2 kita but as adults, do we know better? Is it fair to place our expectations on them?

Ada pro and cons ler....

For know, let me savour what free time i had before i hardly notice what time is it anymore.

Time is the essence...err perhaps not?!

Doing practically nothing at home....makes you thinks a lot.

I choose to do this because i need time to psyche myself up for the coming weeks, i never shy away from heavy work ...i just wanted to rest until i am ready and eager to blast whatever i needed to blast.

Am i over-confident or perhaps too naive to believe that the world is an oyster?

Mana ada....?!

The life out there is hard ...but at the end of the day, it is up to you to make it in what ever way.

Some people choose the safest route all the life...

They get the wife that their mother would approve, buy a car that easy to maintain, get a job that easy to to their task, eat only at a clean restaurant, mixed with the "skima" kind of friend...

Others choose different, perhaps a stowaway marriage, bought a skoda as a car because wanted to be different, do odd jobs and under the flickering sun...mixed with a bunch of nasty people ..

Who life is more richer??

Both la perhaps in their own way....both have their story and both have their own perspective of life.

It is the same asking who wants to be a millionaire?

Almost everybody will answer "yes" but the definition of a "millionaire" is just aplenty.

Being free of all kind of debt, is a millionaire in its own right

Having so many good and caring acquitances, is a millionaire in its own right

So what is it my point?

Hell i dont know...i just needed to write and get something of my chest.

Sorry ler....

The journey ahead....

The days has been long and empty

No more early morning wake up call and rush to the office....

I have been taking it a day at a time...spending time with my kids and thinking my way through.

I know i suppose to be in the office but i no longer belong there...and i don't think i have anything to give anymore, while space yourself where you no longer needed?

But here i am today...in the office, a bit pretentous i know but then again, my last day here in the massive building only starts next week. So might as well be here for something...

A lot of people asked me ..about what is my plan after quitting corporate world?

I honestly do not know....

I am joining my long suffering partner since i felt that it is time ....but then again, am i entirely sure about what i am doing, only god knows.

I told this to my class mates that i doing something on my own but still pursuing my masters at the same time, i will stay the course until i complete it. I help what i can in my own business to do a lot of administrative stuff and straighten things out.

To be honest to myself, i know i may be totally incapable to handling the harsh reality to working on your own but i need to taste it nonetheless. If i failed, god forbid...then i know i wasnt meant to be an entrepreneur....it is just not me.

I always said that i wanted to go into teaching because i felt i can contribute positively into society. Perhaps with my masters it help me to open doors....but nobody knows for sure, that's make life interesting afterall....

In an instance, perhaps it is the only way to gauge my mental and physical strength, by taking on the longest distance in my working life ...i believe it can only make me better as a person for it only enriched me with experiences.

Nobody can foretell the future but funnily enough, i always felt that i am gonna be fine...may be not superfine but okay ler....

Insya-Allah god willing....the road ahead will be much clearer.

Loyalty to old school

I do n't know la kan...sometimes people wouldn't let go.

I bet some of you still have some of your old school buddies as your closest friends, in fact you could still be roommates!

I dont mind that at all...i am just very...very uncomfortable with people who still clings and proud of their schools eventhough they are like in their 40s.

I know some of you graduated from good schools like MCKK, STF, KTK(sama ke dua2? ), RMC, SDAR. etc? I bet some of the schools i havent mentioned are good schools as well...otherwise you wouldnt be reading this for it was the school that actually teach you how to really read..heh..heh.

Some of the officemates i have still wear their school ties on certain days, one of my friend refused to worked with an STF because he once lost to STF in Piala Perdana Menteri, another buddy from RMC still hold a grudge with Sains Johore for beating them in KRM,a SDAR graduates still hunting for ex-V.I for some redemptions.

I mean come on la kan...it is okay to be proud of your schools but in this day and age you still carry some sick grudge or unnecessary pride ..that can't be right! While your school could be 100 years old, 15 years old, 35 or whatever, some minister graduated from there...or ex-PM (mind you some of the Minister are really not that smart...so it can be an embarrasment!!), you are not any better than the next person.

The believe that if you come from that school , we should be friends or you come from school, we should be behaving in a certain ways, it just not on for me. I am sorry for may be i am in the minority here but i cannot condone this behaviour.

Remember the girl who scored 17As in her SPM, she wasnt from STF, MRSM Terengganu, KTK, etc..she was from ordinary school. Boarding school pupil generally look down on day schoolers (may not be all...but the general feeling is there la kan), some many high achievers come from day schoolers..in fact of the drop-out from form 3 are performing better than those graduate from form 5.

So where is your freaking pride now? Day schoolers are better on and off the field nowadays. In fact, they enjoy life more because they can easily ease their boredom by hopping on a bus, LRT to the nearest shopping malls or arcades!

What can a full boarding school pupil do whne they are bored? Practically nothing, a monster in their own turf but a chicken outside..so off they go smoking cigarettes, beating their juniors etc. At least kill the boredoom la kan...In all boys or all girls school, some of them developed same sex tendencies...so i dont know whether it is a good thing or not la kan..muahahhahahha!

Life is interesting because of its dynamics, you met new people , new friends, new foes, new whatever la kan for the point is that there are more out there than the people we know at school. Studies have shown that having a group of people coming from the same age, same education , can be detrimental in any organisation.

So live your life be free...keep your school buddies close but the one you trusted closer, and in eight out ten of you out there.... may be your closest buddies are not from the same school at all because differences is what the other people interesting.

Any comments.....Go ahead?!

The life we touched

Haven't been to the office yesterday.

I am at the office today albeit a bit late..but what the heck i am here and that's what matter.

Unfortunately some of things i hear are not nice la kan...i dont care if the things being complained are about me, whatever ler...i have toiled for this job ..i just wanna have my break but the things commonly being complained are about the new boss or they wanted to leave their job becoz the sense of lost they are having at the moment.

I dont know whether that is a compliment or the way i worked the last time is very slow. Probably both..that's why i started to wonder, in life you are bound to touch other people life either you realise it or not.

The feeling may not be mutual but it is a feeling nonetheless. You are capable to frustrated, motivate, love, hate, bring joy and happiness to others. I only realised this probably today when my good buddy shahrul told me that he is somewhat lost. He also didnt want to come to the office ...been playing hooky for the past 3 days. I asked him why la kan...dulu dia tak pernah cam nie, his answer was a simple..

"Alah wa datang lu tak ada...tak enjoy la beb, dulu kita kerja sama2..i really felt ada team but now, feel somewhat empty and kurang motivation"

I asked myself quitely " Aiya...that bad ka?"

If kalau yg pergi itu mak bapak kita, we understand that....kalau siblings or even girlfriend or boyfriend that pass under the bridge, we might feel sad la kan...but just office mate, that's new to me.

I asked others...even my old buddies at the last workplace, they also feel lost even now...dulu makan tghari ada, sama2 lepak sekarang depa ada yang makan asing2...so team macam pecah.

I still see them once in awhile but may be tak sama kalau sama2 kerja. I felt this lost once when my mentor, Mr Hakim leave us to do his own thing. This is the guy who backed me all the way in time of hardship, teach me abt corporate world and be brave to make a change. Bayar masa makan tak pernah berkira...duit kita tak laku memanjang.

Tapi i survive though we are still good friends. May be that is life..we moved on....and there is always something fresher out there.

May be i am just a small percentage where my attachment is easy to let loose but i know my partner beg to differ, my attachment to my kids are very strong. I never been away from the kids that long unless it is becoz of job commitment.

The life we touched along the way may either be a good thing or a bad one. There bounds to be loyalty created, friendship forged, enemies made...but it is up to you on what to make of it. You can either think positively about this or bog your down unnecessarily.

At the moment, i just wanted to ease the transition in what ever way...i just wanted to go as a friend, ...that's enough for now....

yes, just a friend.

I am...i am

Been thinking a lot lately.

Mainly about nothing..which is funny enough, not like me...

Always got something at the back of my mind of what i wanna do or person i wanna meet

But lately i have been more comfortable with doing nothing ..which is a worrying state.

I have no desire to do much...

Been this way since knowing i am counting my days at the office and eager to try new things

Perhaps a change of environment will do me good...and may be the challenge will rejuvante me somehow.

I have seen enough of the corporate world.

and i dont intend to see it any time soon. There are enough backstabbing, soul auctioning and finger pointing that i can even remember.

May be later i will rejoin but at the moment i rather not....a lot of soul searching and mental locking need to be done.

However, at this particular juncture...i just wanna go home.

after all i am.. i am sleepy from last nite football frenzy at Anfield.

Woman and Becoming an Imam??

Female-Led Prayers: A Step Forward for Women?

On March 18, 2005 Amina Wadud led the first female-led Jumu`ah Prayer. On that day, women took a huge step towards being more like men. But, did we come closer to actualizing our God-given liberation?

Date 2005/3/28

Name of Consultant AAI Editorial Staff

Content of Reply

This answer was kindly provided by Sister Yasmin Mogahed, a member of Ask About Islam Editorial Staff. Yasmin is an Egyptian-American journalist based in Wisconsin, USA. She is currently studying for a Master's degree in Journalism.

Salam, Sarah. Thank you for your inspiring question!

Well, answering your question, I can say that I don't think so.

What we so often forget is that God has honored women by giving them value in relation to God?not in relation to men. But as Western feminism erases God from the scene, there is no standard left but men. As a result, the Western feminist is forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing, she has accepted a faulty assumption. She has accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man?the standard.

When a man cut his hair short, she wanted to cut her hair short. When a man joined the army, she wanted to join the army, and so on. She wanted these things for no other reason than because the "standard" had it.

What she didn't recognize was that God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness, not their sameness. And on March 18, Muslim women made the very same mistake.

For 1,400 years, there has been a consensus of scholars that men are to lead Prayer. As a Muslim woman, why does this matter? The one who leads Prayer is not spiritually superior in any way. Something is not better just because a man does it. And leading Prayer is not better just because it is leading. Had it been the role of women or had it been more divine, why wouldn't the Prophet have asked Lady `A'ishah or Lady Khadijah, or Lady Fatimah? the greatest women of all time?to lead? These women were promised heaven and yet they never led Prayer.

But now, for the first time in 1,400 years, we look at a man leading Prayer and we think, "That's not fair." We think so, although God has given no special privilege to the one who leads. The imam is no higher in the eyes of God than the one who prays behind. On the other hand, only a woman can be a mother. And the Creator has given special privilege to a mother.

The Prophet taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does, he can never be a mother. So why is that not unfair?

When asked who is most deserving of our kind treatment? The Prophet replied "your mother three times before saying "your father" only once. Isn't that sexist?

No matter what a man does, he will never be able to have thestatus of a mother. And yet even when God honors us with something uniquely feminine, we are too busy trying to find our worth in reference to men, to value it or even notice it.

We too have accepted men as the standard; so anything uniquely feminine is, by definition, inferior. Being sensitive is an insult, becoming a mother is a degradation.

In the battle between stoic rationality (considered masculine) and selfless compassion (considered feminine), rationality reigns supreme.

As soon as we accept that everything a man has and does is better, all that follows is just a knee jerk reaction: if men have it, we want it too. If men pray in the front rows, we assume this is better, so we want to pray in the front rows too. If men lead Prayer, we assume the imam is closer to God, so we want to lead Prayer too. Somewhere along the line, we've accepted the notion that having a position of worldly leadership is some indication of one's position with God.

A Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as a standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn't need a man here. In fact, in our crusade to follow men, we, as women, never even stopped to examine the possibility that what we have is better for us.

In some cases, we even gave up what was higher only to be like men. Fifty years ago, we saw men leaving the home to work in factories. We were mothers. And yet, we saw men doing it, so we wanted to do it too. Somehow, we considered it women's liberation to abandon the raising of another human being in order to work on a machine. We accepted that working in a factory was superior to raising the foundation of society?just because a man did it.

Then after working, we were expected to be superhuman?the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker, and have the perfect career. And while there is nothing wrong, by definition, with a woman having a career, we soon came to realize what we had sacrificed by blindly mimicking men. We watched as our children became strangers, and soon recognized the privilege we'd given up.

And so only now?given the choice?Women in the West are choosing to stay home to raise their children. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, only 31 percent of mothers with babies, and 18 percent of mothers with two or more children, areworking fulltime. And of those working mothers, a survey conducted by Parenting Magazine in 2000, found that 93 percent of them say they would rather be home with their kids, but are compelled to work due to "financial obligations." These "obligations" are imposed on women by the gender sameness of the modern West and removed from women by the gender distinctiveness of Islam.

It took women in the West almost a century of experimentation to realize a privilege given to Muslim women 1,400 years ago. Given my privilege as a woman, I only degrade myself by trying to be something I'm not, and in all honesty, don't want to be?a man.

As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men and value the beauty in our own God given distinctiveness. If given a choice between stoic justice and compassion, I choose compassion.

And if given a choice between worldly leadership and heaven at my feet, I choose heaven.

P/S : Funny eh? When an American Muslim can think even more objectively compared to our Malaysian muftis or kadhi's? She used only what is used and teached to us by the Quran and make it like common sense. Only if some of us can actually behave and think like this...rather than adopting a "hollier than thou attitude".

Wasted time...wasted ..just wasted

Haven't been very professional at late.

In fact, very unprofessional at all....by far, i can say that this is the worst that i have acted in my professional career.

Ever since, i submitted my resignation letter...i havent been acting wisely. I come to work depending whether i actually like it or not. Yesterday, i come at 2.00 p.m. and today 10 p.m....the desire to be at my working place is virtually none.

Personally, this is not like me...even my last stint, i wasnt like this.Gracious to the very last...and very professional till the very end. Perhaps this is wrong.

Deep inside..i wanted this to happen actually. I will come when i wanted to come...and acted the way i act. I have given everything i can give to the very best of my ability till the day i submit my letter. During that time, i undertook three person job under my wings without much problem. I hardly complained but i know this wouldnt be enough.

True enough ...when year end arrives, i was only considered slightly above average performer. I dont mind that at all....but when i was told that i hardly do my work, i was very offended. Because during the last 4 months, i undertook my clerk works, my executive works and my own work. Matilah la cam nie....mula2 what i am paid doesnt matter....but when 3 org punya kerja kena bikin sorang, mula la kita fikir yang kita wasn't properly compensated. Mula la any worker who are initially hard-working and honest turns into a lazy and dis-honest one.

Who's at fault??

Partly my own and partly the management for their lack of effort to find a quick replacement.

May be this is all the working of an insane mind or just a 30 year old man frustration.

Ah hell, you can't please everybody .....that's why i starting on my own and get my own money..because i can no longer whore myself just to get a good appraisal at the end of the year. May be that is the real reason....and at the moment, that will good enough.