Friday, August 18, 2006

AN EULOGY

My father passed away yesterday.

The news was a shocked to me as to my other brothers.

This is a man, who left my mum when I was barely 3 months old for another woman. My mum has put him through schools and university, left all four of us for another university gal.

That was 31 years ago….and Allah has taken him to his final resting place.

He suffered diabetes for the past 11 years, had only three toes on his right leg for the past 4 years. Due to his condition, he was bedridden at the hospital for 16 months. His current wife, left him…left the house with all the children, leaving him to fend on his own.

We only knew about this almost 100 days ago, I visited him once, my wife and maid cleaned up the house and he was happy about this. He called me up and we chatted for almost a hour, talking about building a koi pond and clean up his other house. He chided that he was lonely and laments his errors. We laughed and that was that. That was the last time we ever spoke. I called him twice after that, but he didn’t answer.

So, here I am trying to write about a man who I hardly know.

He was well loved by his friends, there were more than 100 of his old colleagues who came and watched his burials. Everybody said that he was a decent man, a man of good principle and a great sense of humour.

He was an artist in own his right. A true slave to his art, he would toils for days coming up with the best sajak, puisi and working paper about current issues. Using his pen name, Mas Aduka, his poem is edged unto a stone in the centre of Miri Town, in recognisition of his effort about MIri.

He was a great teacher. One of teacher in secondary school once told me that because of my dad, he became inspired to become a teacher. I was proud then, I am still proud now.

Though I hardly know him in a full sense of a father, we met up several times in our lifetime. I never grew any attachment to him, yet I loved him. I yearned for him to love us back too….but it was not to be.

With tears in my eyes as I wrote this, I am sorry dad.

I am sorry for not doing my duty as a son to you.

I am sorry that you had to die alone, accompanied by your friends instead of your family members.

I am sorry for never telling you that I love you.

I am sorry for not being there when you probably needed me the most.

I am sorry for not doing enough to care for you in you dying days.

I am sorry for not telling you that I am proud of your achievements.

I am sorry….

I bathed, wrapped him in a linen cloth, put perfume on his eyebrow and hair, shouldered his coffin, prayed and placed him in his grave yesterday. I never looked at him with more love in my whole life, constantly praying that he will be placed in heaven.

As I washed his lifeless body, i couldn’t stop saying I am sorry to him, I kissed him countless time on his forehead…and I whispered to his ear that I love him, thank you for bringing me to this world.

A day has passed and I missed him already.

If only there were time….i would have taken him to see my mum, see my house, really get to know him, we may have our differences but I would like to bridge that.

Alas, it was not to be, as I recalled his face the last time we met, he was full of smiles.

May you still be smiling dad, for I will stop sending Al-Fatihah to you as along as l live.

Good bye….may we be joined again in a much happier circumstances.

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